Tim Tams

Tim Tams

Tim Tams – Part 1

Due to the extraordinary nature of this article, it will be split into two parts. Come back next week for part 2.

Tim Tams - Part 2
Tim Tams Part 2 has been released!
Navigational Map From WCC to Kellyville Plaza Woolworths (Dimitri N (Year 11))

Tim Tams – a staple of iconic Australian food. Some might consider such an artistic piece of food to be the pinnacle of gourmet meals – and I wouldn’t disagree. The eloquent clash of the chocolate biscuit, beautifully complemented by a salient lathering of luscious chocolate – there isn’t anything more you could possibly want from it.

As always, I would like to state that I am committed to working hard on my recipes. Last week, while there was some noticeable improvement of the instructions provided in my recipe for butter chicken, I found a lot of viewers found confusion in the instructions made by Woolworths. In order to combat this, I have decided to include comprehensive instructions for directions to Woolworths Kellyville, as well as the process of purchasing the Tim Tams.

For this, you’ll need the following:

  • 2x $2 coins
  • 1x 50c coin
  • The confidence to approach a cashier.
  • A way of transporting your body from William Clarke College to Kellyville Plaza (preferably legs, but each to their own).

So, without further ado, let’s get right into it.

Exiting the College Campus

For a lot of people, getting off of the College campus can be a tricky task, so I’ve detailed it extensively to give you the greatest chance of success.

  1. Assume you’re sitting in the back corner of the library during a study period at the end of the day, wait until the bell rings at 3:20pm before you start the process.
  2. Once the 3:20 bell rings, carefully exit your chair (making sure to take your belongings) and move towards the west exit of the library – say bye to the librarians on the way out because they’re quite nice.
  3. Assuming you’ve successfully made it out of the library, take a sharp right turn down the stairs – exercise great precaution while going down these stairs! They’re known to be overrun by the likes of rampant primary school children, so extra shoulder padding or protective gear wouldn’t hurt.
  4. As soon as you’ve made it down the stairs, swiftly make your way south towards the bus bay gate. You can tell it is the bus bay gate by the hoards of students gathered around it. While making your way towards the bus bay gate, take extra precaution to avoid Mr Clarke, whether or not you have a blazer on or not, as even if you don’t have a blazer on, you might feel like you’ve done something wrong while walking past him.
  5. By now, your sheer will power should be enough to get you through those gates to freedom – I know it can be hard and a little emotional to get through, but trust me, it’s worth it.

Navigating to Kellyville Plaza

Now that you’ve made it out of the school grounds, this is where the real fun begins. Hopefully the first step was light work, because from here on out, it gets a whole lot more intense.

  1. The first thing you’ll need to do once getting out of school is to turn left out of the school gates and walk down the concrete path. The attached photo should assist you in going the correct direction.
  2. Follow this path until you meet the pedestrian crossing on your right, you’ll need to wait for the perfect time until crossing here, otherwise, you’ll get run over by a car. The car is assumed to stop, but often, cars do not stop for pedestrians. I’ve created a helpful guide to help you determine whether or not the car will stop for you to cross.
Car Brand
Audi, Mercedes, BMW, Tesla, Porsche, Land Rover, Ford F150 (added by audience request)
Any other brand
Did they stop at the pedestrian crossing?
No, do not cross
Yes, it is safe to cross
  1. Once you’ve made it through the crossing, take a left and continue following the path as it curves right around the hedge and goes downhill.
  2. By now, you should be making your way down the hill. It’s at about this time where you will find Mr Macourt walking down towards the plaza with Mr Snoek – make sure to say hi to them as well. Further to this, make sure that you exercise extreme caution while going down the hill. This is a well-known choke point and very easy to fall over in a crowd of people. For this reason, it could be a good idea for you to wait it out on the grass at the corner for a few hours before the crowd passes.
  3. Continue walking down the hill until you reach the traffic lights for crossing the road. This article is getting long, so this is where our journey will have to end for this week. Please wait at the traffic lights until next Wednesday, where I will provide the rest of the instructions on how to purchase the Tim Tams.

Until next time – don’t get too cold waiting at the traffic lights for the next week!

In the mean time – feel free to take this quiz to consolidate your understanding of the task!

Tim Tams Part 1 Quiz


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  • TimAug 25, 2023 at 9:50 am

    I decided to fly my Cessna 172 out of the school oval, there were 13 casualties. Anyways, I’m at the traffic lights, please write part 2 soon, the police are coming.

  • Daniel WAug 24, 2023 at 2:04 pm

    Would not recommend this article, as I was waiting at the lights for the next article, a Ferrari decided to full out accelerate towards the side of the road, jumping several metres into the air and landing squarely on the footpath, squishing me completely. I await your response to your email regarding the payment of my medical bills.

    • Willy CAug 24, 2023 at 2:06 pm

      Very sorry. We Are not accepting medical liability.

  • Daniel WAug 24, 2023 at 2:02 pm

    Wow, what a riveting article! I can’t wait for part 2 to find out how to buy the Tim Tams. I’m sure they will be worth the wait and the journey!

  • krishAug 23, 2023 at 2:17 pm

    I was hit by a ford f150 would not recommend

    • Willy CAug 23, 2023 at 2:36 pm

      We Are (get it) very sorry Krish. The article has been modified to account for this. Hopefully you do not get hit by a Ford F150 again.

  • Jack DAug 23, 2023 at 10:14 am

    simply cannot wait for part 2 of this exhilarating article, I am waiting at the traffic lights eagerly for it to come out