Tim Tams – Part 2

Tim Tams - Part 2

Today is the day you’ve been waiting for.

 

Over the past week, I’ve observed an ever-present buzz across the College campus. Whispers, rumours, giggles, and bursts of excitement in anticipation for what is to come. I’ve seen groups of students meticulously digging through stacks of files in a search for the identity of Willy C, while crowds gathered at the Green Road traffic lights, waiting in anticipation for further instruction on the fabled quest for Tim Tams.

Unfortunately, it has come to my attention, that despite the high level of detail that I strived for, there was still vast ambiguity in my writing, which is why this part will have to be longer, and hence creating a three-part (or more) series on our collective search for Tim Tams.

Some of the misguidance of We Are’s readers that I was responsible for included:

  • Daniel was hit by a Ferrari while waiting for the traffic lights.
  • Krish was hit by a Ford F-150 while crossing the pedestrian crossing.
  • Tim accidentally flew his Cessna 172 from the school oval instead of exiting the school by foot.

Hopefully, everyone else besides our three casualties there should be waiting at Green Road, ready to continue the journey.

Tim Tams are something of a delicacy in my life – something integral and fulfilling to me. When I saw the first part of the Tim Tams article, I was elated, ready to begin a new journey of my life on a quest for extravagance.

— Anonymous

Quickly recalling what you’ll need:

  • 2x $2 coins
  • 1x 50c coin
  • The confidence to approach a cashier.
  • A way of transporting your body from the traffic lights to Kellyville Plaza (it must be legs; last time I said preferably legs, and one reader used a Cessna 172, so it has to be legs this time).

To avoid ambiguity, I’ve also included some things that you won’t be needing.

  • Any heavy machinery
  • 1x balaclava
  • 3x 2B pencil
  • 1x NESA approved calculator

And without any further postponement, let’s get right into it.

 

Waiting at the Traffic Lights

As I understand it, most viewers have been waiting at the traffic lights since last Wednesday, so it could be a little daunting trying to cross the road for the first time. Before you cross, it is important to wait until the little walky man is green. The walky man will only turn green if you press the big silver button. While you’re waiting for the walky man to turn green, it might be appropriate to 3D print a Tim Tam to tide over your desire for Tim Tams while you’re waiting.

Refer to the photos below – you’ll need to:

  1. Model a Tim Tam in your 3D modelling software of choice.
  2. Export your Tim Tam as an STL file.
  3. Import the STL file into an appropriate 3D printer slicer.
  4. Slice the file to your settings, somewhere around 0.12mm layer height, 0.36mm line width, and make sure to turn retraction on.
  5. Export the sliced file to a micro-SD card.
  6. Import the file onto your 3D printer.
  7. Clean the print bed.
  8. Level the print bed.
  9. Start the print and sit back as you watch a Tim Tam materialise in front of you.

It’s that easy!

Hopefully that was a nice way of passing the time.

Where were we? Right! At the traffic lights. By now, with any luck, the lights should be green. If so, let us continue.

  1. Prepare yourself for a confident stride – shoulders back, back upright, as you let the suave coolness of a Tim Tam driven walk take you to victory.
  2. Continue the confident stride; this should hopefully be able to take you all the way to the other side of the crossing before you know it.
  3. Block the spam callers calling you on WhatsApp (this isn’t necessary, but I have received 4 spam calls in the last 6 minutes while writing this).
  4. Tell Anson to stop judging you for writing this article when you should be studying for prelims (once again, not necessary, but Anson didn’t seem to like that I was writing this instead of studying, tending to my loyal readers).
  5. Anxiously check your phone to see if your crush has texted you back (they haven’t, but pretend like you don’t care).
  6. While you were distracted on those last three steps, your confident stride should’ve brought you all the way up the hill to your next obstacle – the roundabout. Make sure to stop your confident stride though, otherwise it could bring you to confidently stride right into the path of an oncoming car.

 

Crossing the Round About

The round about is a tricky area navigationally. Even for the most experienced of us, it can be a lot to coordinate all the movements into one swift action. With cars going every which way, up and down Wrights Road, into and out of the car par, it’s an almost impossible task. But not to the resilient readers of We Are.

  1. Learn the road rules through the road user handbook and relevant practice questions. You’ll find some helpful resources here that’ll get you up to scratch with the ins and outs of the road.
  2. Once you’ve achieved an apt level of road knowledge, take the Driver Knowledge Test here until you obtain a satisfactory passing mark.
  3. As soon as you’ve obtained a passing mark, you should have a good enough understanding of how roundabouts work, meaning you’ll know which cars are going in which directions, and which ones have the possibility of hitting you as you try to cross.
  4. Before crossing, consolidate the pedestrian crossing car table in Tim Tams Part 1 – this guide works here as a judgement on whether it is safe to cross from one side to the other.
  5. Once you’ve familiarised yourself with the road rules and ensured that no cars of dangerous brands are approaching, find that inner confident stride within yourself again, and get moving. Before you know it, you should find yourself on the concrete path just outside Aldi.
  6. It’ll be a physical workout but continue that confident stride further up the concrete path all the way to the top, right by the Woolworths Return and Earn Bin.

 

Navigating The Carpark

By now, you should see yourself only a few hundred metres from the entrance to Woolworths. From here, all that’s between you and the gates to Tim Tams are a couple hundred cars crowding the car park.

  1. Turn right and start walking towards Woolworths – keeping that confident stride that you should’ve mastered by now.
  2. Think of carpark navigation as the ultimate test of your knowledge of the pedestrian table from part 1. At every car you approach, identify the brand and make an appropriate decision on whether or not they will give way to you. For those of you who didn’t read part one, a quick refresher of the table is as follows:
Car Brand
Audi, Mercedes, BMW, Tesla, Porsche, Land Rover, Ford F150 
Any other brand
Did they stop for you to cross
No, do not cross
Yes, it is safe to cross

 

Continuing this brand recognition, moving past the car every time one gives way to you, you should eventually find yourself out the front of Woolworths.

 

Now that you’ve arrived out the front of Woolworth it’s time for a well-deserved break. I’ll see you all next week for the final part as we head into the depths of Woolworths to purchase Tim Tams.

 

Confectionery League

Support Tim Tams among the other confectionery as they take on supermarket giants Aldi in next week’s confectionery league title match, looking to make a comeback after the other week’s unfortunate loss again team Ford F-150.

Our confectionery team has had a great performance this year, with Tim Tams starring as our lead player, scoring an A+ rating from the Australian Prudential Regulation Authority (APRA).

 

 

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  • DanielJun 25, 2024 at 1:14 pm

    IM BACK

    Reply
  • Jack DSep 3, 2023 at 11:26 am

    instructions unclear, while we were told to not bring any heavy machinery the only access to a 3d printer i had was my ExOne S-Max Pro industrial printer, so what am i to do?

    Reply
  • Ryan NSep 1, 2023 at 8:47 am

    Eye Opening

    Reply
  • TimSep 1, 2023 at 5:31 am

    So I didn’t read that part about not using a Cessna 172, but thankfully I didn’t use it this time.
    Now if you see any news headlines regarding an Airbus A380-800 parked in front of a Woolies, I can take credit.

    pls upload quick, my parking ticket’s about to expire

    Reply
    • JacobNov 23, 2023 at 9:00 am

      I think I saw you while I was parking my B-52 Stratofortress. Could’ve been someone else though.

      Reply
  • Jacob GAug 31, 2023 at 1:50 pm

    i hate tim tams

    Reply
  • DimitiriAug 31, 2023 at 9:40 am

    Thank you for these next steps. This is great! I have been sitting at the lights for a week until now. Now I am patiently waiting outside Woolworths looking forward to the next steps and the updates in the confectionary league. I have currently missed 2 of my Year 11 Prelims, but hopefully by the next edition of this article I can make it back to school with my TimTams before the Legal Studies exam.

    Reply
  • Daniel WAug 30, 2023 at 10:03 am

    Wow, this article is amazing! I have never read such a hilarious and informative piece of writing in my life. Willy C, you are a genius and a legend. I followed your instructions to the tee, and I can’t wait to get my hands on some Tim Tams.

    However, I unfortunately did encounter some difficulties along the way. Here are some of them:

    – I had to wait for three days at the traffic lights because the walky man never turned green. I suspect someone hacked the system, or it may be because I am color-blind. Luckily, I had my 3D printer with me and printed enough Tim Tams to survive.
    – I almost got run over by a Ford F-150 at the roundabout. The driver was wearing a balaclava and had a 2B pencil in his hand. He shouted “Tim Tams are mine!” and tried to ram me off the road. I managed to dodge him by using my NESA approved calculator as a shield. Fortunately, I had chosen to ignore your instructions.
    – I got lost in the car park because there were too many cars of dangerous brands. I saw Audis, Mercedes, BMWs, Teslas, Porsches, Land Rovers, and even a Ferrari. They all looked at me with evil eyes and revved their engines menacingly. I had to use my confident stride to escape their wrath.
    – I was stopped by security at Woolworths because they thought I was a shoplifter. They searched my backpack and found my 3D printed Tim Tams. They accused me of counterfeiting and tried to confiscate them. I had to explain that they were not real Tim Tams, but just plastic replicas. Fortunately for me, after a quick 16 hours demonstrating to the security guards how I had managed to 3d print tim tams, referencing this article, they were pleased to let me go.

    Despite these challenges, I made it to the entrance of Woolworths. I am so excited to enter the store and buy some real Tim Tams. Tim Tams have been the only thing on my mind for the last three weeks. Thank you Willy C for this amazing adventure. You are my hero and my inspiration. Please write more articles like this one. You have changed my life forever.

    Reply