Every single student in Year 10 knows, so we figured we’d let everyone else in on it. We believe there is a secret avian operative walking among us, and after careful analysis, the evidence points squarely to Mr Willars.
He began the year like any year coordinator stepping into the role for the first time: organised, enthusiastic, and determined to “sow positive seeds” into our habits before senior school hit. Completely normal on the surface. Except it wasn’t. Every Friday, Year Group Meetings became a rotating triple-act of announcements, Bible verses, and more agricultural metaphors than anyone asked for. If he’d whipped out a shovel and gardening gloves, no one would’ve blinked.
Then Term Two arrived, and the seed chatter eased off as he pivoted to Broken Window Theory. At first, this seemed like a harmless detour into pop psychology. But then it clicked. Who appreciates an open window more than a bird on the hunt for someone’s unattended muffin? And who, coincidentally, kept reminding us how left-over rubbish could harm nearby birds – possibly his extended family? The man wasn’t hinting. He was broadcasting.
By Term Three, he finally dropped the subtlety and introduced Seed of the Week. Supposedly motivational. Realistically? A weekly tasting menu. He had them announced with the joy of someone unveiling gourmet canapés at a high-end bird banquet. And right on cue, the trail mix sightings spiked. Not casual snacking. Not human level grazing. We’re talking full, committed, seed-centric energy intake. A diet that screams “hollow bones.”
A quote from a student who wishes to remain anonymous, reads “He’s always on about the seeds. He’ll be talking to me about littering in the playground while finishing his trail mix and walking to the bin to put the packet away. Coincidence? I think not.”
So now we’re left with one final question: is Mr Willars simply inspiring responsible young adults at William Clarke College, or is he cultivating a rising generation of bird allies before leading them in a dramatic lunchtime takeover?
So, for now, we will watch and wait. Keep your lunches sealed, keep your windows shut, and maybe keep an eye on the sky during YGM – because if Mr Willars really is preparing his flock, Phase Two of Operation William Clarke Wingdom could begin at any moment.
