I’m sure a lot of students are feeling the heat right now with parent teacher interviews looming well, as close as this afternoon! These interviews always creep up on me, and I’m in year 12 so you’d like to think I’ve got a grip on things, but no. I swear the school plans these interviews and never tells us, probably so we don’t have the time to change our behaviour in the short time before the interviews occur.
You only have to worry about parent teacher interviews if you take part in behaviours which do not align with the college’s expectations or virtues. To help figure out whether you should be worried let’s play put a finger down, with only one hand, because I can’t think of more than 5!
1. You have been caught not completing homework or handing in tasks on their due date on multiple occasions
2. You have consistently been told to stop disrupting class on multiple occasions
3. You have been consistently caught using your phone in the hours of 0830 to 1520 on multiple occasions
4. You litter.
5. You have thrown food at your classmates during break because you thought it was hilarious on multiple occasions
If you put 5 fingers down, I’m not going to lie you should be a little worried but hey, that just means this article was made for you! And if you put anything below 5, you can still read this article just in case your self-evaluation isn’t exactly what the teacher’s evaluation of you is.
Here are some strategies to get you out of a sticky situation in your parent teacher interviews, with a few scenarios to help with the world building.
Scenario 1: You are face to face with…. let’s say your English teacher, and you know you didn’t read the allocated text before taking the last assessment. Your teacher knows you didn’t read the allocated text. And you know that your teacher knows that your parents don’t know that you didn’t read the allocated text. But you can’t have your parents knowing that you knew you had to read the allocated text and chose not to. So, what are you going to do?
Firstly, take a deep breath in and before your teacher can say anything jump up on your chair and start yelling while pointing at the roof. Next, you want to start violently sobbing as you continue to point at the roof. Now that you’ve gotten their attention start quoting the last scene in Act 1 of the Crucible when all the girls were accusing people in Salem of witchcraft. The beauty of this is you can accuse anyone and the moment their name leaves your mouth; people are going to become suspicious. Now that this hysteria is set in the teachers will have no choice but to cancel all the Parent Teacher Interviews and turn the venue into a courthouse where trials will be held.
Scenario 2: Your recent engagement with your classes’ lessons have not been great. You’ve been showing up late, not completing class notes, and not paying attention. Your parents are not happy with your level of integrity and perseverance and told you their intentions to request your teacher monitor you closely and set extra due dates to keep you on track. You are thinking they just don’t get it, I mean how could they ever understand the epic highs and lows of being stuck in a class you thought you’d drop in year 12, only to drop a different subject you were doing even worse in? Can’t they just stop pressuring me into bettering myself and seeing that I obviously need help and then reaching out and coming up with a solution which will ultimately aid me with my character development and help my future be bright and thrive? Gosh, they are just so annoying!
First things first, under no circumstance can you allow for your teacher and parents to negotiate on an agreement to improve your education. Once that deal is signed you will be dragged into a life of success and joyous achievements. And we will not stand for it!
In the inevitable event that they do begin listing the terms of said agreement I want you to make a subtle distraction.
Options include but not limited to:
1. Take out your phone and insist that you’ve just received a phone call from your parent and must leave to take it immediately. Now it is vital that you do not allow them the opportunity to point out that your parents are presently sat beside you. Instead make a beeline for the exit and do not stop until you’ve reached the safe harbour of foreign shores, where you will dye your hair, change your name and take up permanent residency. Do not look back, there is nothing left for you there.
2. When the topic you wish to avoid is brought up, from your mouth give a sharp, short and very loud yelp. And then immediately with a confused look on your face begin searching for the source of the sound. Repeat, if necessary, to avoid the ops plotting any further.
3. Shave off your eyebrows.
4. Collect a handful of snails from any of the gardens available on campus, then put them in your blazer pockets for easier access. When the distraction is required blow a loud whistle then place multiple snails on the table in a row. Blow the whistle again and bring out your racing flag that you acquired before the interview. By now a crowd will have formed around your table, and your teacher will be so invested in the snail race that they will forget all about the treaty of agreements with which was previously discussed.
Whether you are a teacher, parent or student, I hope your parent teacher interviews go well and that these strategies work for anyone in a time of great need!
