The Student Media Site of William Clarke College

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The Student Media Site of William Clarke College

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The Student Media Site of William Clarke College

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Mass Elf Layoffs Ahead of Christmas


“I don’t know what he was thinking – over a billion toys for next to nothing? Not in this economy that’s for sure!”

In an exclusive interview with a disgruntled Elf, The Ibis has gained lucrative insider information into the North Pole Toy Workshop, where rising interest rates and massive inflation have led to mass layoffs.

The spoke-elf, who would like to remain anonymous for privacy reasons, commented: “Kids just don’t want wooden trains and kites anymore, everything has to have Bluetooth or be ‘i’ something – and don’t even get me started on all the kids who just want cash – do you know how hard it is to convincingly make that stuff?”

Business Expert Frosty S added that “It was always a questionable business model – giving things away for nothing can be a good start up promo, but they really needed to identify some actual revenue streams if they wanted to survive in the long term. This is what happens when your CEO’s qualifications seem to be nothing more than looking good in a red suit and having a distinctive laugh”.

We’ve contacted the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy on their assumably similar situations, who are yet to make any comments.

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  • AnsonNov 29, 2023 at 2:06 pm

    Taylor Swift has not only ruined the economy, but now thanks to her meddling. Christmas is ruined too. If everyone gives me their Era’s tour tickets maybe inflation will curb, and we save Christmas